Reruns Of Martin

Jonny: Do you ever say and do stupid sh*t Jon? Not out of spite or anger or for laughs; just because you're you?

Jon: I think inherently as a human, we are supposed to dumb sh*t for no reason, what do you mean exactly?

Jonny: For example, someone asked me what book would I recommend for them to read based off of our conversation. We discussing the 'the black man's plight' and how better to serve those who are and have been under-served not just in urban or rural communities, but in general. From a homeless veteran to a young POC man earning a degree in Politics.

Jon: So what book did you recommend?

Jonny: I recommended Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates to expand on the numerous facilitators that threaten to disembody black men and black women,

Jon: That's dope, well what did the book say about those threats? How should we deal with them?

Jonny: I am not sure, I only read the first paragraph of the synopsis on Wikipedia.

Jon: ....

Jonny: ...

Jon: ............

Jonny: Like at a certain age, it is expected for you to answer questions and continue on with conversation, correct? Why would I pause mid-conversation, as an adult, just to convey my idiocracy with a question? And as an adult, at this point in my life, it is time to STOP learning and START talking. I have taken full responsibility for my incompetence at my seasoned age,

Jon: Do you truly think at this point of your modern life you are done learning and taking on or in new points of view? When doid the age of 25 promote complacency and competence? Your adulthood should be constantly fluid with new opportunities and innovation and experiences as you evolve through the different stages of your life,

Jonny: But you're forgetting I am an IDIOT and if people find out, then conversations become dumb and boring and useless. I have been tricking people into believing I'm an interesting and intelligent guy.

Jon: But what if you're ACTUALLY both of those things?

Jonny: Don't patronize me n*gga. Forrealla though, we have a super computer in the palm of our hands and no one talks about it. There is a whole sea of knowledge and tips to everlasting wealth, and no one is honing in on this infinite resource of vital information for your everyday prosperity. You know what I did with my super computer that can literally contact the Vice President if I wanted and knew how too?

Jon: Did you watch Infinity Wars trailers again?

Jonny: I watched Infinity Wars trailers again,

Jon: Well why would you put this cap on your own self ? You tell yourself "yup this is just how it is forever" and stay in this futile, semi-veggie state of mind? How would anyone get to their full potential or overall full-self without the constant need to break down knowledge and rebuilding by using what you just learned? You literally do this when you exercise on a more palatable, tangible form for hours a week. And you know this better than I do: if you're going to be the ultimate best version of yourself, why you or anyone prematurely stop?

Jonny: It's sort of this confidence that I am 'done' learning. In this confidence that I am an imbecile. It makes me content and I've come to terms with it. It's not that I know anything or that I am arrogant; I'm fairly sure my brain has been running overcapacity since sophomore year at Salem High. Everything else crammed in there has been a nice bonus.

Yes there is the confidence of being inquisitive and helping to not only improve yourself but one day raise a family. Even with this basic conversation, I thought a little bit further in the future: why would I add another little Jon to the world when I know where I am intellectually now. Even if I marry the Nubian Goddess Zendaya, most likely half of that kid's mentality is going to be my drive, or lack thereof. I know where I am, a heap of wasted potential. And I am tired of everything.

Why does nobody talk about how much water sucks to drink? Who's going to actually check the random percentage that I made up about abortion rates in Missouri? You can post anything on the internet and people won't even care if it's fact or even click on the link. I think I am more aware because I am acknowledging it. I just want to sit with my legs cross-legged and die when I am supposed too. If there is even a chance that a kid shot through my dingy is going to have that lack of energy, what's the point of reading a book on why n*ggas are getting sh*tted on to impress a girl at the coffee shop?

Jon: Hold that, a girl? What is she like,


Jonny: Jon, she was Ethiopian, loves Steve Lacy, loves kids, 6"1, and that thang looked like a swam possum with the mumps,

Jon: You know what, I MUST be overthinking it. Tekashi Oats was that n*gga you say?

Elmo Came With That AK-47

Most people know that Jon loves running. If you don't know this by now, you may be an idiot. 

Dog running for a few bucks,  25-30 miles a week, 1,000 miles a year, trying to run in every state before I turn 35. Countless hours crafting playlists once a month off of pure emotion, hundreds on dollars spent on shoes, 3 am runs. Buying bananas and electrolyte powder by the Costco-load, high-fiving crossing signs, keeping dogs specifically on my left side, Strava run sessions lost, head-nodding the only other black dude at a 10K,

One pair of homemade snow-running shoes,

One pair of city-running shoes,

One pair of trail-running shoes,

One pair of oh-God-that's-all-I-have-to-run-in-shoes,

But at a certain point, one has to wonder when does it stop. Everything comes to an end, right? Like Iron Man said "put of the journey is the end"; what do I do when part of my legs just stop working correctly? What if that truck actually ran Jon over at my race in Nebraska when I crossed the finish line? What if I am in the wrong neighborhood and Jon got ran up on a run?Why does happiness always present itself to me when there are literally people desperately digging in the trash for their livelihood?

These thoughts linger as I began to enter my prime with running. Jon has to consider what is the point of it all when it comes down to it. That's with anything, ever. Why do people get certain jobs or what makes a hobby different from a job or what do people consider responsibilities versus a duty? Like running is not that hard, all you do is put one foot in front of the other. I do that for a few miles, bada bing, badda boom, Jonny Boy is happy. And now JODY is getting paid and recognized for it,

A quick and firm reminder, I ran for my school in 8th and 9th grade. That was about it. It was only until college where Jonny wanted to impress a girl enough to run with her. What sort of foundation is that for someone 6 years later winning a small town race in Imperial, Nebraska? When does something you love become your livelihood? While I was sitting on my bed last weekend with the flu, I had to cancel 2 yoga classes, 3 dog clients, and a full day of work with the kiddos. It was strange because for the first I realized 

these jobs are dope. but what Jonny is getting paid on the other hand...

"4 Phantoms" by Curren$y gives me the old school car, riding around the block vibe that I typically feel on night runs,

Romanticize The Villainy Part 1

The last thing someone wants to be is the bad guy in their own narrative. No one wakes up and is like "time to damn mankind all the hell for personal economic or emotional gain". Well most people don't. 

There are a handful of people who do wake up and say "I want to help people do better and succeed and have thriving wellness and all the financial gain" and these people may run for office and they may win and they may actually help. Cool, Jon may call them a good person,

There are a handful of people who do wake up and say  "I want to help people do better and succeed and have thriving wellness" and these people may run for office and they may win and they may actually help. Cool, Jon may call them a good person as well,

There are also a handful of people who do wake up and say  "I want to help people do better" and these people may run for office and they may win. Then they may pass a bill that will give you the death sentence for aborting a baby but the certainty of another miscarriage between you and your husband is enough to put you in a mental institution. Cool, Jon may call them a good person as well,

Wait, hold up, back track. This is not a pro-life/pro-choice sh*t post. And stop with the tweets, call your house representatives. You think going back and forth between Gunther's sister-in-law's auntie's uncle's nephew from Jesup, Georgia at 2 in the morning is helping anyone? Anyways, 

Jonny does believe there's 5-7% of the population that wake up and have the best intentions on saving the world and they have the means to do so. Where did I get these numbers? Not sure old white people fabricate all the time. But out of those 5-7% there are 0.5% Who aren't just idiots like ol' JODY but they are cynical, crazy, disillusioned, pathetic, apathetic. Well they suck,

Well people celebrate them i.e. Donald Trump and Thanos. I've had probably hundreds of conversations a piece where either me or friend are defending them. Because we think it is funny that a man with slightly-below average hands are destroying everything. And we think it is dope and brave for someone to kill half the universe to resources? 

Dang, this isn't how I wanted this post to turn out, I'll make a part two next week.

"New Magic Wand" by Tyler, The Creator creates the reality of what most people want in their lives, a magic wand, a bright suit, and 5 of their best friends jamming out

No Small Talk

A brief collection of significant events with brief descriptions comprising of Jon, Jonny Boy, Jonathan, and JODY. 

It's February 9th, 2019, 68 degrees on a Wednesday at 1:10pm. 

"Get up, Jon"

I'm in a feeble-fetal position in front of a place JODY steals company time from Monday-Friday. Plaid shirt, khakis, and some Clarks. A young human who has swapped multiple ideas about mutual concerns is telling me to get up off the ground, as I believed it was my subconscious. This is the first time JODY feels fear and being afraid. First time JODY saw myself as lonely and couldn't dance out of this one to throw people off. The understanding is that all of the Jons were all absent and an empty vessel had existed; void of any emotional, intellectual, or physical control for about 5 minutes. 5 minutes is too long for someone like me to reboot in a space like that. 5 minutes of me doing the limbo in limbo. No Jon, Jonathan, JODY, Jonny Boy, Jon-Jon, Jonny Nyles. No Jonny Bravo, Jon-117, Jon Hamm, Jon Heder, Black Jon, Jon Whitey, Jon Bender, H. Jon Benjamin, Long Jon, Lil' Jon. No InhumanJuvyJon, JuvyJon, Jon Lapel, King Jon, Jon The Prince, Jon with No 'H", Jonny Appleseed, Jon The Ruler, JonJammerJimmer. 

Just me.

--

"Hey, I need to talk to you" 

It's 2017, mid-October. Beautiful morning.

I don't wait for a response, as Jonny Boy opens the door with a feeble push. There's little to no indication that a conversation is about to initiate. I peek up at the other human who is perched up on a raised bed in the 10" x 10" room, caressing a white controller and painstakingly tapping buttons to avoid immediate virtual death, only to be reanimated again. I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor. She does not down at me until Jonny Boy says the magic words. Her gaze is turned aggressively from the screen to my five-head because my eyes are still locked into my twiddling thumbs. But you know Jonny Boy did look up eventually. It was my least favorite gaze from another person by far. I mean I did not want to go, but I had to leave. Part of the journey is the end, right? Leave everybody you love and like and people you built a relationship with because Jonathan spontaneously pops up and reminds everybody it's apart of the plan. 

The plan sucks sometimes, but I made the plan.

--

"Hey,"

It's November or December in 2013 a cool evening, I think. Jon tried to blurred out dates when I was younger.

I'm talking to him, trying to understand why Jon got a light 'Hey' as opposed to a more aggressive, assertive tone in his voice, like normal. Jon is walking at my normal, flamboyant pace from class to the shuttle for a playoff game again Pike. All the Jons hate Pike. The phone call is a slight inconvenience to my pregame playlist of Two Door Cinema Club & J. Cole but I pick up. There is a 3-minute long monologue; some mumbo-jumbo of a 10% chance of survival, life-saving surgery, whatever. There's a quick affirmation that I will see him soon, and Jon walks onto the court with a feeble pace, pausing the conversation. First play of the game, Jon steals the ball ,dribbles down court, and dribbles all of the way out of bounds without the ball leaving his hands. Jon gives the ball to the ref and tells his players to sub him out. 

-- 

"I don't want to play anymore"

It's late summer 2010, dusk and the street lamps just turning on. 

I'm standing beside an older gentlemen staring at the ground. I'm starting to cry all over my basketball warm-ups, as we are standing behind a 2002 Ford Explorer. This man, who asked me a simple question, waits patiently as Jonathan responds with a feeble tone. This is the first of my knowledge that Jonathan expressed any emotions or feelings to a man has lived with him for many years. A man that help create him, clothe him, give him resources. All of the life lessons, jokes, long car rides. A man who sometimes scared Jonathan as I would try to tiptoe past his room to not bother him. A man that Jonathan never tried to establish a relationship with but Jon begin to throw lines out too, eventually getting a nibble.

You Started Rapping When You Wasn't Good at Basketball

Sometimes it is difficult to talk to my peers about stuff. And by stuff, I mean things. And by things, I mean, erghh words.

Jon has discussed this before but I keep hearing about self-love, self-growth, self-esteem, yadda-yadda. That has become such a huge topic with black people over the past few years because negros weren't out here taking care of their mental states. Like to colored folks therapy wasn't cool in 2013; yoga was for the outlandish who wore waist beads; Childish Gambino was (and is) a Weirdo. I was watching "The Carmichael Show" and Loretta Devine aka Everybody's Momma in the show had PTSD. How could a black middle-class mother with two handsome kids in this long, everlasting marriage have any anxiety? 

I asked Jonny Boy and we concluded, fairly certain black moms aren't robots. Neither or black sons. Or black sisters. Or black men. Or I don't know, maybe black people? Everybody is strugglin' and some people love strugglin' in their own way. Just because Loretta's character wasn't getting hit with drive-bys off MLK or crackheads doing ill-advised cartwheels in their living doesn't mean everything is chill in Chile.

Hold on remember Jon is confidently an idiot, inept at most things. Let us not forget the 1-hour spent working on my Master's at Norfolk State where I confidently shook my head and walked out the class. But for real consider the following: I think black people really do "g*ve fuck". Wait I bleeped out the wrong word. 

Have you ever walked down the street in Negrotown and overheard conversations? People inherently will recite "fuck what you th*nk, don't effect me" "I d*n't give a fuck" Niggas b* tr*ppin' ov*r dumbass shit"

But niggas r*ally do care! You hear it in music, the cracks in one's voice, the compassion when one of us gets killed by some donut totin' officer. Do influencers use social media and post on the gram or send snaps honestly do not care about what people say about them even though they say they don't.  All of these external factors honestly don't matter if we can't start working on within. I'll be the one to say I give all of th* fucks, every single one. I do not care who it is, I care 300% what people think about me. It doesn't effect my overall mental attributes much besides making sure everybody who comes in a close proximity of JODY feels like they are interacting with a pillow. Which of course is a whole other problem.

Even if I wasn't on social media, why would Jonny not care about what people thought of me? I am naturally a happy, and blindly optimistic person. And I love what I can do for people and what people can do for me. But not everybody is for JODY to love and JODY can't love every one. Not everyone is going to check in on me or talk and cheer me on from the bleachers. Not every one will meet me halfway. And sometimes it hurts. But those are the Jons' jobs. 

Damn did I punctuate that correctly?

bLack pARty produced and performed "Bloom" which promotes self-love and growth that has been one of my favorite subjects to talk about with my peers.

Mask Off

I introduced myself as "Jon" to this one dude who was semi-famous over Instagram Live and he told me he knew a lot of Jons. I told him I knew a lot too,

I was watching "Hip-Hop Evolution" on Netflix this morning with my hip-hop heroes, such as A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, DJ Kool Herc, MC Lyte, and all of them. And remembered how every rapper wouldn't eat or sleep or would spend time, money, and energy in perfecting their craft. KRS-One couldn't sleep until he got his rhymes in the booth. And here Jonny Boy is making a blog at 12:11 am after 12 hours of work. I gotta' get these words out, ja' feel me?

Jon also thought about how one of my favorite comedians, Bill Burr, told me the difference between a job and a hobby. How does a rhymer or creator know they will subsist off of their talent. Do they even care about the duckets? What is the difference between the two? I don't know.

I reminisce about "Mask Off" by Future a lot. Jody doesn't think the song is super impressive but I have numerous amounts of masks and facial expressions I had behind,

Jim Carrey is one of my favorite people, period. I admire him so much because of his facial expressions are so vivid, crazy, amazing. All of the crease and crevices of someone's structures that can be manipulated were so fascinated and I always thought they couldn't be taught.  Ace Ventura, Truman Show, The Mask; I would spend hours molding and stretching my face because a Jonny could and would and should,

I also think about my wigs, masks, costumes at my disposable. Jon can move my face muscles into any form or shape. I won't buy a decent suit but I'll buy a movie replica of a Captain America outfit. Sometimes I wonder if Jon dresses up to hide from the public or if I dress up only to go out in public. What is the difference between a hobby and a job? Ugh. I am going to turn 26 soon, and it is crazy because I know exactly what I want to do. Is Jody going to go for it or crawl under the bed and fold? Well not really, there's not enough room to actually physically fold,

"Mask Off' by Future may not have been my personal anthem of choice but the song title and hook always got me into a certain mood.

Late At Night

I am writing this in the time sequence it takes for "Early In The Morning" to play from start to finish two times. Apologies for abrupt finish but y'all should be used to it,

Jon has been thinking about the past year and a half I have been in the Denver metro area. All of the renewed friendships, new relationships. The renewed relationships, new relationships. Of course over analyzing and self reflecting like a 10 year-old trying to ask a crush out. And I realized something,

Jody is a perpetual 10 year-old trying to ask a crush out,

Not the actual action but rather meeting new people in a intellectual capacity, romantic capacity, gainz capacity, professional capacity. It's like a GIF of me calling Big KAT or Cousin Skeeter to hype me up so they can say what I want to hear. And also what I don't want to hear,

When Jon meets new people there's multiple emotions; I feel isolated and confused and irritated and annoyed but then I feel energetic and hopeful and honestly bashful like a Taylor Swift meeting her next victim, Jon meant partner. There is no in-between when Jody meets people that are expected to have a significant part in my life. 

To be honest, I thought it was weird and exceptionally excessive how I've been towards anything and everything. Whether it be selling my entire 1,200 basketball card collection for a Nintendo DS Lite when I was 12 or telling someone upon meeting them for the first time "we are probably going to be besties forever" and wholeheartedly meaning it or making a 75-year plan on how major events in Jon's life will unfold or convincing thee Nupes they can't shoulder shimmy for shit.

Like I am not lonely, I am alone; not a reference to me being single or not being near my Tier 1s. Don't get me wrong, Jon has the best family and friend network of all time; the Jons will always have unconditional love and a place to stay. 

But I'm from the south and now Jonny lives in Colorado; my physical, day-to-day network is not established. There are no Tier 1s, family members, monogamy, etc. There's this revolving door to this dingy hotel of new friendships/relationships and I am standing in the lobby taking the effort to make a new fresh casserole for every single person I make eye contact with. I know I have few half marathons under my belt but even Jody gets exhausted until depletion. I'm tired, we all are. I'm not tired of meeting new people, I am tired of giving everybody 100% of my energy (shout-out to my outgoing introverts). And it's my problem I have to deal with sooner rather than lter

It is crazy because one would think these thoughts would unfold late at night with a tin of gin that would make Jonny Boy feel like I'm a kid again. Which honestly, with this mindset, may come with a fabricated depreciation of one's self,

I went over my time limit.

The Gap Band's "Early in The Morning" is a reference to the love/lust relationships as well as me literally always being up early in the morning .