An Xbox Killed My Dog

An Xbox Killed My Dog

Have you ever experienced something truly magical and enchanting. Mesmerizing, so awe-inspiring that your tummy felt like it was full of peanut butter cups and rainbows and unicorn vomit?

That was my DAWG, I mean my actual, literal DOG, Mac. Short for Macilious. He was a half sharpei, half mountain curr, all dynomutt of a dog. Medium-sized, sleek- -nay, matte black fur, built like a swamp possum who had a planet fitness membership. 

35 pounds that dog weighed after 2 years, would carry him around all-awkwardly like a teen mom off of MTV when he got too hott outside. Mac’s head would just bobble-bobble like a bobble head, as we would walk back to 80 Fairview Drive. That’s my boy; I mean that was my boy.

Mac did this thing where he would need to go outside. Like he would be in my room upstairs. Then I would creep all the way downstairs, just left him there. Until

I opened the door from the mudroom and yelled “skrrrrrrt skrrrrrrrt” and he would bolt all the way downstairs would and start chasing an imaginary deer outside. Oh, I would do these little drills with him for my own quickness and footwork and it helped me get on the basketball team in high school and then I became popular and got to go on a date with Gina Anderson and then I got a new Xbox and multiplayer then I started lifting a lot of weights and then my dad kept asking me “take the dog out son” then I would say” I don’t want him anymore” as I’m tapping away on my Xbox 360 controller playing NBA 2K11 then I went to school next morning after I walked him then I came back and Mac was gone,

“Where did Mac go,” I asked my dad. 

“He’s gone,” my dad said.

“Oh,” I said.

Well that was my boy, that was my boy. I got him 2 months after he was born when I was 13. Momma paid a quarter of stack for him, he was born on Halloween night. I went to 3 different high schools with him, he was my only friend. The dog that looked me dead in my face and told me “I’ll protect you” even though we both knew damn well he couldn’t box to save his life.

He’s dead now. Last time I saw him, looked like he was 55-60 pounds. 10 years-old died from depression. I had until He was 4. Shit. 

“Where did he go,” I asked my dad. 

“He’s gone,” my dad said.

“Shit,” I said.

Mac was sitting in a car, with some unfamiliar faces, going 3 states away and he had no idea where he was going or why his best friend wouldn’t ever see him again.

I was sitting in my room, thinking about this dog that was going 3 states away that I would never see again. Honestly, Fuck Gina Anderson. Then I turned on my Xbox,

Between Friends Pt. 37

This is between friends 

Now, my best friends have powers,

No please understand this,: my best friends have powers,y

Seen them with my own two Jonny eyes,

I know a woman from North Carolina that can overwhelm you with love only using a smile 

I know a man that lives near Stone Mountain who can manifest sweet melodies using mahogany some phosphor bronze strings,

I know a lady from McDonough who is protecting and training and parenting a real life superhero by herself 

There’s some folks from GTown with a sleight of hand and so down the earth that you think they were born in ‘02

There’s some people down south that can swirl their fingers in the dirt and feed ya’ for a whole season,

I know a ducking waterbender off the coast and fire bender near Manitoba 

I know a pasty, ghostly, pale white boy that can help clear your immune system and then will paint you a portrait of the  Rockies

I know some colorful women who are in Denver who are so magical that it can make a unicorn look like a donkey with a dildo attached on its temple,

I know a collection of comrades that would walk off a decapitation ,

There’s some friends that have been there for a decade and friends that are only there for a night 

I have some friends turned villains , villains turned friends, and some friendly villains 

I know Blade, Black Panther, Domino , Green Lantern, Storm they’re from Willacoochee, GA

I got friends more agile than a crocodile on a Tuesday just before dawn

I know suburban kids who are forealla, country folks who are forealla, and city kids who are forealla 

Theres folks from FAMU, Howard, Morgan State, Hampton, NSU, and VSU that you could bring home to mom to try her unseasoned water casserole 

I got some auntie-like folks that will make you Sunday brunch but will get the armor and peel your wig back when it comes to their kinfolk 

I have friends that remind me to hydrate, eat my greens, cry, pray, and listen to my shitty poems 

Could you imagine people coming into your life that you don’t know and doing whatever they can so you don’t fail, so you won’t fail, you cannot fail

This is between friends,

Romanticize The Villainy Pt. 2

Dear Fair Citizens of America,

I did not mean to try and enslave the human race.

Now that,

This whole scenario is a misunderstanding.

I’m not Chris Brown, not a bad guy.

Let me explain, about me and my product and what will happen next.

Now we are here

With my super evil photon death ray I purchased from some dude called Patty on Craigslist  and it is currently orbiting Earth, over there in space somewhere.

It is aimed at the White House and Betty Whites house. It will go off when I stop speaking sporadically like a leaking spigot

I am letting you all know this because I am making you all an offer than you won’t, can’t, and ain’t refusing 

I want every form of government on this planet to fizzle up and evaporate, I mean dissipate immediately, and terminated expeditiously. This is not a request Trudeau, 

I’m  telling you,

This is now an anarchy, chaos, mayhem, I’m fixin’ to start a riot. You ask me what’s wrong with this world, what is right? I had to default all of my student loans to buy a $350 super evil photon death ray. If I show an American a cat video, they are immobilized for three hours, I met a man who works 90 hours a week, just to stay alive long enough to die of malnutrition. And humans are so damn fickle, senile in any environment, no one even listens to Ruben Studdard or plays with tamagotchis no mores.

Why the only time anybody listens to anybody is, is, is if they have a gun or is a rich, old white man? This is why,

And this is why I locked myself in this office with Mike Huckabee deep throating my 9mm glock.

But don’t worry, fair citizens. Nobody will stop me.

Superman? I got a methodical-diabolical contraption that turned him into a peanut butter-flavored contraception three weeks ago

I just have to ask you this question:

How many people, how many humans do I need to kill to become a hero, a legend? 

Why was I already profiled before I donned the mask, created an evil laugh, and carried my soul is a metal flask?

They were only humans, it’s not like I beat a german shepard with a newspaper, 

I am not a monster.

Now,

I may be a little upset that my imaginary friends walked out on me after refusing to pay rent

Or maybe this third lobotomy is getting to me

Now, I just thought destruction was the ultimate form of creation,

I just thought “the first lesson of history, is, that evil is good”

I just thought all these negatives I am doing would have a result of being positive.

I just thought someone would treat my depression as an illness and to stop telling me to get over it

I just thought my mom wouldn’t die of even though I thought I persuaded the cancer to let her stay

Because I will never fade away, I will never fade away, I will never fade away?

I was born like this, there’s nothing wrong me, I am of natural man.

I don’t care that I know my fate,

But didn’t God hear? The world is mine…

God is throwing biblical floods and wildfires and tsunamis, even hurricanes with great white sharks in them. Who is he to judge…

I’m not a bad guy…I’m not…

I just thought maybe, maybe a little dip of cyanide would go well with your tea.

Sometimes I do bad things, I normally do bad things, but I’m not a bad guy I just make bad guy decisions…but I am not romanticizing the villainy.

But what else am I supposed to do? I’m the epitome of all what is wrong with world, and its fine being a martyr.

I may be a flawed individual, but my biggest flaw is that I am surrounded by all you idiots.

You are all fools! You just need to all SUBMIT, I am trying to save you, I’m your savior.

AND WHEN I SAY CULL THE HERD, it’s because that’s. What. I. Do.

I’m just trying to save you all, from yourselves.

And if you think I am ill-judged,

Then Silence will be your only friend