My First Wife, Phở' jita Jones

I never told anyone about my first wife, Phở' jita Jones. Like the Mexican cuisine. It's okay if you butchered the pronunciation of the word, I mean her mother already did,

Her eyes glowed purely of ember and could increase a mammal's body temperature by 1 degree if you made eye contact for more than 12 seconds. Her arms were longer than Mr. Fantastic and she could pee and wash her hands at the same time if the occasion were to arise. She communicated in Spanglish; part Spanish, part whatever qualifies as speech in Dekalb county. The only black girl from the dirty south with a framed and signed picture of Paz Vega in her room. Right above her nightstand.

Hmm, what else? She brushed her teeth 2.78 times a day, never been on a cruise ship, got a C - minus in 6th grade because a chair got tossed and hit that one nice kid who everyone likes in the back of the head, she learned how to make hog maws when she was 45 even though she passed away when she was 23 but was born in the 80s, and doesn't think OJ did it. She didn't know how to dance and didn't want to unless Tweet was singing.

She was tall, like a ficus. She skipped college and became a full-time entomologist and part-time doula but only on Tuesday at 6:37 pm.

One time I had asked her to marry me eventually but only when I learnt how to swim. She said she rather go to Arby's and replied with a hard maybe. I nodded my head and took her to get mango salsa and an indefinite supply of Tostito's. The only time I only ever saw her eyes turn to emerald was when they only had peach salsa. I thought that would be my last night on Earth. She conjured up Nina Simone to perform while my future ex-wife/potential baby mama set the discount aisle on fire with her pet Blue-Eyes White Dragon. $15,000 for the pet deposit was an absolute mess.

On our first date I had a nice lil' check so I took her to Applebee's like a proper human. Denny's is more of a luncheon sort-of-get-together. She asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up and I said me, but in 10 years. I asked her the same. On our first date in February 31st, 2016 and our last date on January 28th 2014 she said the same thing. Pulled me close by the collar, wrinkling my brother's over-sized Chap's. You know what that ficus lady told me? I don't remember to be honest. I'll let you know when I find that mango salsa.

"Guava Island" the musical by The Glovers was playing while I wrote this, doesn't have much of a connection to this post. But then again it does,