Telegram

Had a conversation with one of my good friends recently. About being simulated versus being happy. I have used these concepts interchangeably for a while now. Having the mind being occupied versus the mind being in euphoria.

I can tell you I have no idea 'bout no psychology or sociology or blah-blah-ology. But I do have the mind of a semi-mid-high functioning 25 year-old, so here is my take on it being simulated versus happy:


I have been a teacher for 3 years, unfortunately having to end that career a couple of weeks ago. My mind was always occupied, so many things to do, so many words being spouted out, rippin' and runnin' like a Jon outta' hot yoga. There is no other job that has kept me on my toes at over 50 hours/week.

Jody was simulated.

I was with kids who I loved, got to teach science to kids I loved, got to work with people I loved, got to be around science, which I loved.

Jody was happy.

But I did all of this stuff in Norfolk, Virginia as I do (did) in Denver, Colorado.Same subject, kids are all the same, coworkers were good. I always remember the quote your problems will not go away when you move to Atlanta. 

That quote is a reference to me moving to Denver; same to my friend for moving here, same to me for moving. Only moving here fixed most of my problems. I needed to feel strong and confident and myself in an area that promoted people of similar background and I never felt that way after college. There was finely this piece of heaven that I never thought existed. And to see myself flourish has been so satisfying. Teaching yoga, running dogs, being a 7th grade science teacher, running wherever I wanted to at night, relaxing night life, good roommates, a more preferable climate. I never knew a place could exist.

Then there were the internal conflicts of figuring out my passion or a career or my sexuality or my purpose, blah-blah-blah. All of these things that I kept carrying and lunging around, looking to my clueless 20-something friends or social media to tell me everything. 

It's funny because after all of this, I have to keep referring to my "75-year plan". It's a book that ultimately tells me exactly what to do at every point in time in my life. It's essential and vital to the survival of Hotwada Cornbread, Gentrified Cornbread, Jody, and the bundles of Jon. Where I am supposed to be location-wise, who I should be dating, how to sustain my black wellness and black boy joy.

Unfortunately I have no idea where to find it, and I am not necessarily looking for it.

"Telegram" By Jay Rock is a smooth melody to remind oneself not to be caught up in grand valor of social media.