Unlimited Tostitos, Pt. 2

Do you ever just hear people say words out loud and you're just standing there like

"Nope."

I was listening to some comedian talk about "the older you get, the more you just spout of stuff you know nothing about" in regards to a regular conversation. For example I may ask someone who is the name of an actor in a movie, and I will get the runaround for 8 minutes in which most of the words are probably just a random sequence of sentences that have taken 8 minutes of my life. 

Because for a while I believed myself to be stupid, so I would eagerly await people to say words to me, all of the time. It was though I was waiting for little bit-sized bits of wisdom that I could enlighten myself with and be the next Nelson Mandela. Or Clay Aiken. 

But instead I received a lot of bit-sized bits of unseasoned trash. Am I eating trash? No. But listening to numerous professors in college saying incorrect facts or a mayonnaise amount of information helps me sift out the fecal matter. 

Can you imagine in that 8 minute time frame of me listening to someone say whatever, I could have created a blueprint for how to build a baby-sized space-shuttle? I could have created a cure for all the cancers. I could have won unlimited tostitos from a scratch-off from Food Lion. I could have took 10 seconds to google the actor in that movie (it was John Malkovich, duh!)

But instead I got this value-menu-Jonathan-Livingston-Seagull-probably-volunteers-to-picket-at-planned-parenthood-guy telling me about why Miller High Life is not only the "champagne of beers" but the "champagne beverage of all the beverages" and didn't even provide any scientific evidence. No articles from JSTOR or GALILEO or faux Wikipedia article.

As I may interject, as I am talking to myself, that most conversations are essentially useless. Unless we are talking about how to harness the power of unlimited tostitos, how is this topic helping us be better as people? 95% of conversation is small talk, and I have the faux Wikipedia articles to prove it. I'm a scientist, so I can throw out numbers and you won't fact check it. Believe me, I did independent research for my Hydrology classes. Nobody cares about where the numbers came from. *Wink*

Yes the phrase "constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating" always pops up in my head, but there are plenty of other talking points that help improve the human race, besides unlimited tostitos. (Reminder, I need to go to the store before they close!)

Here are a few constructive topics:

1. Did you delete your search browser lately?

2. What are your feelings towards the second season finale of American Idol?

3. Why aren't you trying harder, like, in general?
4. Do you not like to wear deodorant? 

"You Ain't Gotta' Lie" by Kendrick Lamar is the staple of this entire article. It's okay , you really don't have to lie!

Stepdad of The Year

I say this quite often, but I have to remember that I am not the villain or the superhero in everyone's story. I'm probably not even the comic relief or reluctant side character to aid in someone's journey.

Percentage-wise, looking at all the people in the entire world I've ever come in contact with, I am probably a NPC (non-player character) that is sitting on bench, not influencing the story at all. Maybe I'm innocent bystander #38 that gets ran over by a tween on their skateboard at 2pm at a crosswalk between the parkway and the greenway. Maybe I'm not even visible, like the headline of "Breaking News: Man Buys Radioactive Llama!" on some generic basic cable channel and gets bitten by it. And that's okay,

It does get difficult when I am meditating and not focusing. 10 unfocused, isolated minutes practicing ujayii breathing in a criss-cross position is a long time to be thinking about things that aren't of value or relevant to you anymore. Sometimes I think about all the kids I letdown over the last 4 years. I think about why I like to put the numeric symbol for numbers even when it's not grammatically correct. I think about why people talk to me. I think about unlimited tostitos. I think about how people would tweet about my death. I think about if I stayed and helped raise someone else's child and how I would be stepdad of the year.

But none of these things matter in the grand scheme of things. I am a person who has a self-proclaimed "purpose" and only tend to look back on things so I can learn from them and not repeat the same mistakes again. Normally. Things will happen the way they are supposed to and it is my job, nay, our jobs as humans to adjust as needed. Whenever something pops up, deal with, hide from it, it doesn't matter. Humans are adaptable, versatile, innovative...when we want to be. Whatever comes up it's going to steamroll you or you're going to roll with it. Or not, I don't know. I'm not a psychologist. Or reliable. Okay I'm pretty reliable. Wait, who's on first?

This blog post is brought to you by "Hello" by Jermaine Cole himself. One of his lines was the foundation of this entire entry.

Every time I think of the proverbial stepdad, I think of Steve Rogers. For NO reason.